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disgusted, disappointed, heartbroken.

July 10th, 2016 @ 11:41 pm

i went on a road trip across the country last week.  i really didn’t pay much mind to social media, in fear that my stupid iphone would die…  i didn’t really get to dive into all of the current events until i got home, and the first that thing i read and watched in depth, is of what happened to philando castile.

it came about that the police officer that killed philando castile was latino, not even white.  so was it a race issue?  was it a nervous, improperly trained police officer?  we need answers.

i cried in my bed for an hour and couldn’t put thoughts together.  i was sick to my stomach.  i can’t even wrap my head around what diamond reynolds is going through right now.  i know there are so many people that have died at the hands of these disgusting police, and i can’t touch on all of them…  i just wanted to be heard here, and make it well known that i am so disappointed in human beings right now.  i am trying not to feed into the hatred,  because that’s what is fueling all of this bullshit going on in the world… but i’m just so mad at how ignorant, closed minded and just plain stupid humans can truly be.

this is a very sensitive topic, so it’s hard for me to form the words sometimes.  i feel like anything i say as a white person could be misconstrued or looked at as privilege…  i promise you, it’s not.  it’s all fellow human support, respect and love.

there is a huge difference between the matters of day-to-day discrimination, and cold blooded murder.  this is all stemming from a strong foundation of hate, and discrimination and it needs to be broken on all levels.

i don’t know, and will never know what it’s like for anyone that has faced the terrible, ignorant, racist police that abuse their power and are just spewing hate at them for the colour of their skin.  life threatening situations with cops have never crossed my path.  i don’t know the feeling of being a victim of racism.  i don’t know the fear that my black friends talk to me about, when they tell me situations they’ve been through.  the fear for their family members…  but it seriously breaks my heart that ANYONE needs to feel that way.

on the MILDEST level of discrimination:  i’ve been treated differently because of my dyed hair and tattoos on multiple occasions over the years, and that is nothing even comparable to the subject at hand (believe me, i fully understand that it’s not), but even something as mild as that brought me to tears.  recently, an airline tried to turn me away from a flight from florida to get home, because i had visible tattoos.  i thought they were joking, and was waiting for the airline rep to laugh and just let me on, but no, there was an entire procedure about it.  i was baffled and i just remember when it happened, i was thinking to myself that “it’s just my skin… it just has art on it… wtf?”.

i was so embarrassed and felt belittled.  at first i was just angry and i felt like it was something i should have just not cared about and laughed off, but i didn’t.  the clerk just kept staring and pointing at me and whispering to other co-workers, and all the while in front of the other passengers – at this point that were standing/gathering to board the flight. i actually cried, like a moron.  i could barely look at anyone as they *finally* decided to let me board.

my point is, i have a ridiculous, potpourri collection of stupid tattoos.  it’s not even sleeves, they’re scattered.  all i could think to myself was that – – it’s just skin – – and it’s not even my natural skin!  these were things that i chose to do for myself, not something i was born with.  i can’t even imagine dealing with actual hatred for being born with a specific (BEAUTIFUL) skin colour (that isn’t white).

i feel guilty even speaking about anyone else dealing with discrimination while BLM is the subject at hand, but between this and the orlando massacre, it’s just more hatred and discrimination piling up day by day.  it’s scary that there are people out there that don’t just look at other human beings and realize that they’re just that.  on skin colour levels, sexual and gender identity levels, religion, etc.

WE ARE ALL: just. plain. human.

the fact that these issues are even a thing in the year 2016, is so insane to me.  we are made of up of the same organs, and the same blood that these disgusting humans keep spilling.

it hurts me that i have friends of colour that are so angry right now, that they spew and joke about hating all white people.  i am not saying POC can’t be angry right now – they have every right to be, but i’m white and i’m DEFINITELY not part of racism.  race relations tension is so high right now, that it doesn’t help to feed into the ignorance.  we need to move forward…

stop hating each other, treat people well, and as your equals.  this shit has seriously got to stop.

you’d better belieeeeeve that this brand/myself are supporters of BLACK LIVES MATTER.
please, donate to the organization here.

posted in: society, WHY?

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